Adrift Without a Compass

So, I've been back to work for about a week and a half and already I'm beginning to feel the pressure and the urge to kill my coworkers.

One of these coworkers in particular is getting on my nerves something fierce and she needs to shut up real soon or I will kick her in the head.

In other news, I am now married:-D Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Adam and I finally tied the knot and are happy:-D

Title: Getting back into the swing of things
Pairing: J2
Warning: boys kissing
Disclaimer: not mine.
Word count: 2411
Rating: PG
Unbeta'd

Getting back into the swing of things

Looking at the set, Jared felt completely drained and wondered what had happened over the past few days to make things this difficult with Jensen. This was supposed to be the payoff ep of the season and SamnDean were supposed to finally be coming together again after being torn apart by all this demon blood drinking, secrecy and Ruby manipulation, but Jensen was distant and unable to get into Dean’s mind so even though Jared was trying to be helpful and giving him all the help he possibly could, they kept flubbing their lines and missing cues. What’s worse was that it seemed like everyone was blaming Jared for Jensen’s issues. What was up with that? Jared decided he’d have to talk to Jensen about it and as he sat in the Impala waiting for his cue to enter the scene at Bobby’s this is what he was thinking and this is why he missed his cue once again.
Phil called out “CUT” in an exasperated voice and gave Jared a look that clearly told him he’d messed up big time.
“Jared! Get over here. NOW!” Phil screamed and waved him over.
Crapshitfuck, was all Jared could think as he slowly approached Phil, his shoulders hunched and his eyes downcast because he knew this was not going to be a small lashing… Whenever Phil raised his voice, Jared felt like a gradeschooler in the principal’s office and it didn’t matter that he was an adult now, an adult with his own house a great girlfriend and a bulging checking account, thanks to Eric Kripke. When Phil looked at him in that special way, he lost the last 15 years and wished his mom was there to comfort him.
“I’m so sorry Phil! I don’t know what’s wrong today. I’m trying so hard to get it right but some….”
“Shut up, Jared. Right now. I’m going to tell you what your problem is and then it’s up to you to FIX IT! ASAP! Jensen’s your goddamn problem.”
“What?!” Jared’s eyes flew up to meet Phil’s and he wasn’t sure what he was meant to say or do so he kept quiet and tried to get his thoughts to make sense. Jensen was his problem? Well, yeah, it was Jensen’s fault they were flubbing all over the place today, but Jared didn’t think that was what Phil was driving at.
“Geesh, Jared, you are a blundering idiot sometimes. Jensen is having a very hard time right now and you are not making it better by crowding him like you do. You’re making him really uncomfortable and he’s asked to be released from his contract at the end of this season because he simply can’t work with you anymore. So, not only are you flubbing your lines, you are also killing the show. Jared, you need to fix things. Right now. We got renewed for a 5th season and possibly a 6th, and now one half of the show wants out because of the other half. What the hell did you do to him? Did you cheat on him or something?”
Everything elsse Phil had just said evaporated into tiny bubbles and all Jared was left with was the question at the tail end of the speech. This triggered a resurgence of his adult composure and his stance went from humble to aggressive in 0.2 seconds.
“Did I cheat on him? What he fuck do you mean, Phil? He‘s the goddamn reason for this particular problem and I resent the implication that it‘s my damn fault. Screw you. I‘m going home and you can go jump in the ocean for all I care. Jensen wants out? Fine. It‘s over.”
“Jared. Do not fuck with me. Fix things with Jensen and come back tomorrow for reshoots.” Phil’s voice was calm and menacing and he knew Jared heard him. “Jensen is in his trailer, Jared. Go talk to him. Bring him a cup of that special coffee he likes. Bring him chocolate, roses, whatever. Just fix it.”
“What?!” Jared’s thoughts were a rumble of incoherent ideas, but mostly he was exhausted and confused. Why would he bring Jensen roses, seriously? Jensen didn’t like roses. He liked Zinnias much better…Um, ok, that was unexpected. That special coffee Jensen liked wasn’t really all that special but no one knew that Jared had invented it.
“Fine. I’ll go talk to him. But don’t talk to me like that ever again, Phil. I refuse to stand here like a schoolkid getting a ripping from the principal. I’m the star of the show and, you know, if I don’t work, you don’t work. So there.” Jared knew he’d overstepped his boundaries and he knew there’d be consequences later, but he was pissed. Pissed at Phil, at Jensen, at himself and the entire situation which seemed like a farce the more he thought about it.
Jared headed toward Jensen’s trailer, but stopped at the craft trailer first to pick up two cups of coffee. After the craft trailer, he went into the costume trailer to pick up Jensen’s clothes and his novel. He figured Jensen hadn’t gone to collect them when he stormed off set earlier and he was right. Hmm, Jensen had apparently finished reading Pale Fire and had moved on to a book that Jared had bought him last time they’d been out shopping together. Jensen had told him repeatedly how much he wanted to read House of Leaves, but that he would only read it if it were a first edition because of some weird shit about colors and maritime signals that Jared hadn’t quite understood, but he’d looked all over nonetheless and when he couldn’t find it, he’d special ordered it at the small bookstore over by Tim’s. He remembered the look on Jensen’s face when he’s unwrapped the present Jared had wrapped himself. Jared winced at the thought of that horrible wrapping experience. It had looked like a child with 10 thumbs had wrapped it because Jared had been so excited to have a special gift for Jensen and he couldn’t get his hands to calm down enough to smooth the paper or tie a good bow, but Jensen hadn’t mocked him or laughed. He’d just smiled and looked really young as his eyes met Jared’s when he said thank you. The memory made Jared smile and made him pick up his pace a little, well, a lot, actually.
Jared knocked on Jensen’s door and opened it to let himself in.
Jensen was on the couch, tapping his foot rapidly to the beat of some imagined song and looking completely crestfallen when Jared entered.
“Hey… I brought you a cup of coffee and your clothes… I figured you’d like to get out…of…those” for some reason Jared couldn’t finish the sentence in any coherent way and it all came out sounding like he was saying he wanted Jensen undressed, which he so didn’t. Seriously. Not.
“Thanks. I want to be alone, Jared. Please go away.” Jensen refused to look at Jared and Jared kindda wanted to kick his ass for that, but he also knew there wasn’t anything to do except for leaving, so of course, he went and sat next to Jensen on the couch.
“Jen, Phil practically tore my head off back there after you stormed off and told me to come over here to fix things with you because he seems to think it’s my fault that you’re unstable today. So, what’s going on?”
“For fuck’s sake, Jared. I want to be left alone. Could you just go the fuck away, please?”
“No.”
“Then I’ll leave.” Jensen got up to leave, but Jared grabbed his wrist to keep him from getting too far away.
The feel of Jensen’s skin triggered a sensory memory that Jared’s conscious brain had completely blocked out and his heart started beating faster until he felt like he’d just run a 2-minute mile.
Jensen pulled his arm, but Jared’s grip was tight and given the fact that he had about 20lbs of pure muscle on Jensen, Jared came out the victor in that match.
“Let me go. NOW.” Jensen growled and his composure went out the window.
Seeing Jensen like that was unusual to say the least and Jared felt like he was witnessing something very private and didn’t know what to do or say, but he still held on to Jensen’s wrist.
“No.”
“Jared. Let me GO. Lemmegolemmegolemmego!” Jensen’s voice was tinged with panic and Jared’s brain couldn’t quite process what was happening, but he didn’t want to let go and instead of using his adult reasoning skills, he used his playground fighting instinct and quickly got up, wrapped Jensen up in his arms and used his physical advantage to get Jensen back on the couch. Jensen fought back with all he had, but Jared had his arms pinned to his body and Jensen was not Dean. This was lucky for Jared, because he was no Sam, either and close quarter fighting was not his thing, but he could tell that if he wasn’t careful something very bad might happen anytime soon. Jensen was putting up a serious fight to get free and Jared was half wondering what it sounded like to people outside, but he really didn’t care too much. The objective here was to get Jensen on the couch and have a talk with him about his recent behaviour.
“Will you just relax, man. We have got to have a chat about what’s going on. Please sit down and look at me and I will let go of you.”
“Fuck you Jared.” Jensen gave it one last go and found that Jared was like a wall of muscle that wasn’t budging even an inch and he decided he didn’t want to deal with bruises from fighting Jared so he sat down and sighed heavily.
Jared felt him relax and hurriedly loosened his grip while keeping his eyes trained on Jensen’s.
“Ok, can we talk now, Jen?”
“Sure, Man mountain.” Jensen said this with a crooked smirk and Jared’s heart skipped a beat because he knew everything was going to be ok after all. That smirk was Jensen’s way of surrendering. Jared had seen him use it so often as Dean, but knew that Dean smirked when he was mischievous while Jensen used that exact same smirk when he was beaten and willing to acknowledge it.
“Good, smeckles. So, what’s going on? Phil yelled at me for making you mess up and asked me if I’d cheated on you or something. So what do you think he meant by that?”
“He seriously asked you if you cheated on me and if that was why I’ve been messing up on set? Shit, man, he’s totally been reading fan fiction!” Jensen’s laugh startled Jared, but the pearling sound was like a bell to Pavlov’s dogs and Jared soon joined in and the trailer was filled with the waves of their laugh entwining like a pair of long lost lovers in the mist.
“Yep, he asked me that.” Saying it again made Jared laugh even harder, but then he noticed Jensen had stopped laughing and was looking at him with a look of intense sadness on his face. A look that Jared had no rational idea what to do about, but his body knew exactly what to do and so he found that he’d reached out and taken Jensen’s hand in his and was rubbing his thumb in small circles around Jensen’s palm while quietly whispering “It’s going to be ok, Jen” over and over again.
“No. It’ll never be ok. It can never be ok, Jared.” Jensen said and looked like he was about to cry.
Jared moved closer to Jensen on the couch and put his left arm around his shoulders to pull him in for a hug. Jensen leaned against him willingly and Jared’s mind turned into a neon sign blinking images of Jensen sprawled on the bed, under him, above him, around him, inside him and he knew. He knew what was wrong and he knew it really was his fault that Jensen was upset.
“Oh my God, Jensen, I’m so sorry. We were so drunk, I forgot, I didn’t know… Shit, I’m so sorry!” Jared wanted to make Jensen understand that it had meant something to him too, but that he’d simply been too wasted to remember until just now with Jensen’s body pressed against his.
“You forgot? You were my first and you FORGOT? I told you that night that I’d never been with a man before and you forgot? I knew you were a scatterbrain, but I never figured you for a typical MAN!”
“I’m so sorry. You didn’t mention it afterwards either, you know, and you know I’m not a mind reader. I’m sorry, Jensen. I will do anything to make it up to you.”
“Ok, I have an idea, then.” Jensen tilted his head back and looked into Jared’s eyes with a look of complete trust that made Jared’s stomach lurch and his heart stop. Every memory of that night came flooding back to Jared and he felt his body ease into Jensen’s like it was an extension of his own.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked as he leaned down to touch Jensen’s lips.
The kiss was sweet and chaste and it felt like a first kiss should feel. Awkward and perfect and everything wonderful collected in the feel of Jensen’s lips and his hands twining in Jared’s hair. Jared wanted this and more, but he knew he had to pull back and make sure they were ok.
“Jen, oh my GOD, I love you! Oh… I didn’t mean to say that, I meant to say, um, er, we, um, should, um, go talk to Phil…”
“Ok, We’ll go talk to Phil and then we can work on teaching you to speak coherently afterwards, ok?” Jensen was grinning from ear to ear and his pupils were blown wide and all Jared wanted was to pick him up and take him to bed, but they had to go finish shooting.
“Let’s go.”

The boys squared things with Phil, Jensen did not get released from his contract and Supernatural ended on a high as SamnDean went out in a blaze of glory like Butch and Sundance. Jensen Ackles became Jensen Padalecki and they lived happily ever after.

Så er det blevet lørdag og jeg har fået et dumt angstanfald. Jeg har grædt og grædt og rystet og haft det forfærdeligt.

Grunden er det sædvanlige og når jeg siger det højt eller læser hvorfor det sker giver det jo ikke mening. Panik er heller ikke ligefrem rationelt, vel, men hallo, der må sq da være en grænse.

Adam har købt billet til at flytte herover og det er jo helt vildt godt og jeg glæder mig, men det skræmmer mig fra vid og sans og forårsager panikanfald.

Mine 3gere har haft sidste skoledag og det er glædeligt for dem, men for mig betyder det at 3år af mit liv med dem er slut. Jeg skal ikke se dem mere og jeg skal ikke mere have det sjovt på skolen sammen med dem. Det er første skridt for dem ud i den virkelige verden og det er jo fantastisk spændende, men fordi de stopper på skolen bliver jeg ked af det og det udløser panik.

Jeg har afleveret PGopgave og det burde jo være glædeligt, men nu er jeg nervøs for den teoretiske eksamen og det stresser mig og udløser angst.

Jeg skal have eksamen og rette 170 danske stile på 14 dage fra 3/6-17/6 og det stresser mig og udløser panikanfald.

Hvad er så fællesnævneren? Jo, at jeg ikke er god nok. At jeg ikke kan slå til og at jeg ikke kan fungere tilstrækkeligt. Det er det jeg skal arbejde med.

Panikangst er forfærdeligt og jeg er ked af at jeg skal lide af det og at jeg ikke kan styre det.

Title: "Sera's gonna die, man!"
Pairing: J2
Word count: 1800+
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Nope, they're not mine, but I am totally a psykid and have amazing insight into their minds... No, unfortunately not. No harm intended
Warning: spoiler for 4*21 and wild speculation for 4*22.



“Ok, Jare, we’re here” Jensen raises his umbrella and turns to Jared, looking less than enthusiastic. The weird thing is that up till just 30 minutes ago, the day was working out pretty damn fantastic. They were working on the season finale Lucifer Rising and because of the fallout from Levee, Sam and Dean hardly had any interaction thus far. Jensen loved it, because without Sam, Dean could find time to fuss with “his line” as Krip’s taken to calling it. Jensen thinks it’s one of the biggest mistakes Krip’s ever made because if there’s anything this show is, it’s a show about the brothers Winchester against the Supernatural, and not about Sam against Dean. The fan girls are going insane everywhere and are all tapping their little keyboards with angry little messages about how wrong Dean is to treat Sam like that and how irresponsible Sam is to walk out on Dean like that, etcetcetc, which is why Jensen is now standing in front of his trailer, looking at a perplexed and rather nervous looking Jared Padalecki.
“Um, Jen, what exactly are we doing here? We’re filming the final scene and everything’s set up and you decide to yank me off to your trailer for a CHAT? Are you insane?”
“Get inside, Jare. I need to talk to you about something important. Stop protesting and just get in there.” Jensen felt like he was pulling age and he didn’t like having to do that to Jared, but geesh, he was being absurdly slow today.
“Fuck you, Jen!” Jared turned to leave, but Jensen threw out his hand and caught Jared by the shoulder.
“Jared, please? Come inside, ok?” Making his voice as soft and friendly as possible which was difficult, being, as he was, still in Dean’s head and still using the much lower timbre he’d perfected for Dean Winchester, but he made the effort.
“Jen, stop fucking ordering me around. I’m not Sam Winchester and you’re NOT Dean, either. Man, you need to get out of character right now, if you want to talk to me.” Jared looked Jensen straight in the eye and took a step toward the trailer door waiting for Jensen to follow him. Jensen, however, just stood there, seemingly frozen in place holding the umbrella. Looking at him from above someone might mistake his posture for pensive or concentrated, but to Jared it looked broken and defeated.
Jared opened the trailer door and went inside Jensen’s home on set and saw the familiar couch, small table, laptop and coffee mug inside the door. Stepping toward the couch, he saw that something wasn’t quite right about the arrangements, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it and instead went for the electric kettle and flicked it on to boil water for a couple cups of horrible instant coffee. He figured it might be good for Jensen to have a cup of coffee if he had something important to talk to Jared about, and although he, himself, hardly ever drank coffee in the afternoon, he seriously needed a pick me up after being thrown around and being hurt puppy Sam all day. Why the effin’ hell did Sam have to be such an emo bitch was beyond him. But he’d gotten very good at playing emo bitch Sam during the last 5 years and he wasn’t complaining that much, really, because it was the best job he’d ever had. With the best perks EVER!
Jensen stepped through the door just as Jared was pouring water into the mugs and the smell of bitter instant coffee hit his nostrils before his eyes met Jared’s.
“Thank you, Jared” was all he could say as he took the mug and stirred the brown liquid, seemingly listening intently to the clinking of the spoon against the sides of the cup.
“Ok. I’m here, the crew’s waiting over yonder and the last scene isn’t exactly filming itself, man. So, you gotta let me in on what’s so important so we can get back and knock the shit out of each other, ok Jesusboy?” Jared was trying for levity, but Jensen’s pose took the smile out of him.
“What? Did I do something to upset you? Are you annoyed that I forgot to do the sheets yesterday? What?” Jared had no idea what could possibly be wrong and was running through increasingly absurd scenarios in his mind for why Jensen would want to hold up shooting to have a chat in his trailer.
“I don’t care that you forgot the sheets, Jare. I have plenty of sheets so having a full hamper doesn’t really faze me any.” Jensen spoke so quietly that Jared hardly heard him, which made him feel even more sure something was very wrong.
“Did you read the final page of dialogue, Jared?”
“Of course I did.”
“And?”
“And what? Was there something I was supposed to notice?”
“Was there something I was supposed to NOTICE????? Are you kidding me, Jare? What the fuck are you thinking?” Jensen was annoyed that he had to explain this to Jared as if he were a child. Why was he being so incredibly slow all of a sudden?
“Jensen, I have no idea what you are talking about, seriously, man, you’re kindda freaking me out right now. This feels a little too much like Dean scolding Sam, man, and I need you to not do that to me.”
“Jared, man, the last page of dialogue is like a page out of a Danielle Steele novel! Fucking Sera Gamble’s trying to have them -us- get it on after we avert the goddamn Apocalypse. Sure, it looks innocent enough at first glance, but it has the phrase kiss and make up in the stage directions. How can that not wobble your little happy boat?”
“Haha, Jen, Sera’s so into slash it’s not even funny and she’s always been all about Sam’n’Dean being more like lovers than brothers. Remember the cut scene from last week that has Dean sleeping curled around a shaking Sam in the honeymoon suite after killing Ruby? How did that not freak you out then? We shot it and nailed it in one take, so why are you scared of the phrase kiss and make up whe it’s clearly just a stage direction and not really a literal prompt?” Jared is so incredulous that Jensen would take a stage direction so literally, when usually he was all about the figurative language. Jensen looked appalled and Jared had a really hard time holding back the laughter he could feel bubbling up from deep inside him.
“That was in character for Dean. That was all about protecting Sammy and keeping him safe when he was suffering. Kissing my brother is NOT in character.”
“But I’m not your brother and you’re not Dean, and you know, it’s acting and it’s ok. I don’t mind. It’ll break new ground for network tv and hopefully the fan girls will love it as much as they always say they will at the cons. I do not see the problem, Jen.”
“We. Have. To. Kiss. On. Camera.”
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes. Do you want to practice maybe?” Jared looked like a bashful teenage boy as he looked down at his feet and held his rapidly cooling mug in both hands. There was a flush of pink on his cheeks that hadn’t been there a few seconds ago and Jensen found that he couldn’t take his eyes off of it, which was definitely not a normal Jensen reaction to blushing Jared.
“Do you want to practice? You know, it’s not exactly like running lines, right?”
“Well, it kindda is. It’s part of the script and it’s part of the action for our characters and I am not exactly loving the idea that we have to do multiple retakes of awkward kissing that will inevitably end up on you tube with a couple million comments about how horribly awkward it was or whatever. I don’t think I can live that down and go on to do other shows with that floating around in cyberspace. You feel me?”
“Um, not exactly. You want to practice off camera? Practice kissing? Kissing me? Awkwardly? What??”
“Breathe, Jen. In the last page of directions, it says they -we- have to kiss and make up. I want to rehearse it to avoid making a mess of it on camera. I do not want to have my first kiss with you be awkward and on you tube.” Jared’s shoulders are slumped but his head snaps back when he realizes what he just said and hopes to dear god that Jensen missed it.
“Your what? With me?” No such luck. Naturally.
“Oh, you heard that, then. Slip of the tongue? I said I wouldn’t want the kiss to awkward because it would undermine the brothers’ relationship.”
“No way you just said you didn’t want your FIRST kiss with me to be awkward. Your FIRST kiss? As in you think there will be more than that one on the show?”
“No. Not on the show.”
“What then? Look at me, Jared. Look me in the eye and tell me what you mean because I’m drawing a complete blank here.”
Jared raises his eyes to meet Jensen’s. Jensen is biting his lower lip as if he’s uncertain what to think and his eyes are boring into Jared’s demanding an answer.
Jared’s still blushing and shifting his weight from one foot to the other as if trying to keep in excess energy and looking at Jensen biting his lower lip is making him really uncomfortable.
“Jensen. Please listen to me and please hear what I’m saying, ok?” Jared holds out his hands palm up toward Jensen in the universal gesture of invitation and waits.
“Ok, I’ll listen. This is so not the way I wanted this conversation to go, man. I had it all planned out in my head and Dean would take over and take charge and everything would be fine. We’d go to Krip and have him override Sera’s script choices and we’d be scot-free. And then there you are wanting to rehearse the kissing and making up. I’m confused, Jared.”
“Jensen. I want to rehearse the kiss WITH YOU. I want our first kiss to not be awkward. I want to kiss you right now. Please.”
“What? Jared, you’re not making any sense….At all. What about Danneel? What about Genevieve? What about…everything?”
“Do they really matter? Who cares about them? I want to kiss you, Jensen and I am going to kiss you now. Call it rehearsal or call it kissing you, I don’t care as long as you….” Jared never did get to finish his sentence because Jensen stole his breath with the least awkward kiss he could have ever imagined.

I just can't believe how well this song describes s4 of spn.

(Chorus)

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreamin',
I can hear them say

(Chorus)
Carry on my wayward son,
For there'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Now don't you cry no more

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely
means that I don't know
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune, but
I hear the voices say

Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you

(Chorus)

The honeymoon suite is filled with Octagons:



Below text is inspired by various websites I found when the concept of the 8fold path could possibly be linked to the octagon imagery used in 4*21.

The number 8 is also an important number in Tarot, and as we've all seen our Show is terribly fond of Tarot cards and Tarot reading, which is why I think the number 8 is of import now. Usually the number 8 is read to mean the following things, above all is the infinity symbolism of the number in that it does not have a beginning or an ending point, but is a circle, always repeating itself.

* Cycles
* Infinity
* Fluidity
* Balance
* Success
* Intention
* Inspiration
* Revolution
* Opportunity
* Expansion
* Repetition
* Expression
* Perception
* Sustainability
* Transcendence
Many of these words are words that are freely floating around the metaing pps of our fandom to describe the current relationship in Supernatural and it's interesting to me that the Honeymoon Suite would house such a symbol as the octagon:

The meaning of the Octagon

The symbolic meaning of octagon deals with:

* Regeneration
* Totality
* Infinity
* Rebirth
* Transition

The octagon is found in baptisteries as a symbol representing eternal life as - likely because the number eight is symbolic of renewal.

We see further religious architectural connections when we recognize many sacred buildings (churches, temples, etc) were designed with octagonal structures supporting a dome on top.
This interplay between circle (dome) and square speaks of the transitional relationship between earth and heaven. The circle is symbolic of the heavens/infinity and the angles of the square symbolizes an earthly presence.

This is an amazingly profound concept - one that many ancient orders were aware of and so took the time to design their places of worship with these symbols in mind.

The eighth step upon the sacred stairway ascending to the first heavens climbed by Mohammad lead to a sea of illumined angels in deep and focused meditation upon the highest of holies.

One website mentioned that the Octagon is connected with the four cardinal points of the compass, which would also make sense in terms of our boys and their being Wayward Sons...

This imagery is often used in meditations in conjunction with the Buddhist concept of the eightfold path:

* Right View
* Right Thought
* Right Word
* Right Action
* Right Livelihood
* Right Effort
* Right Mindfulness
* Right Concentration

Check out this website: http://picardietourisme.com/upload/Caroline/symbolism.pdf (it's superinteresting!)

Isn't it interesting that the brothers would smash up the room so much and specifically destroy the octagon separation in the process?

So, I was rewatching the ep and it struck me that there might be something interesting about the whiskey Dean and Bobby drink. Seems to me there must be a reason for it to have 4 seconds of screen time, right? So, I've spent a few hours trying to find the brand and I've run the stills through my imaging programs and what I've come up with thus far is this: it's not a registered brand, nor could I find any liquor name like it.

The label seems to say Gilbert's Hunters' Blend, Special Black and has a Raven on it. A very black raven, crowing or whatever it is they do. It also actually makes sense that it'd be a fake brand as it says Scotch whiskey, and that's just not right, since Scotch is from Scotland and Whiskey is from Ireland and the two don't go together. Ever.

Ravens are traditionally harbingers of bad things. Where Ravens fly, people die. They're also a big part of pagan mythology.

For instance, Odin has two of them to spy on humans and tell him the news when it happens. Because of these two birds, Odin was the wisest among the gods. Hmm, Bobby's pouring from the bottle with the Raven on it and is between two brothers who are arguably being prepped for godhood, so does that mean Bobby is actually right and that he is the wisest among them? He is shown to receive intel from without, intel of the world and what's happened outside of his own residence much like Odin did with the birds...

Oh, I forgot, Hugin and Munin mean Thought and Memory. Could be a link to Sam and Dean's new positions? Dean was memory and Sam thought, and one could argue that's been reversed along with everything else this season, since now Sam is obsessed with memory, the memory of what Lilith did to Dean, and Dean's involved in some intense thinking about the future, and about the consequences of his actions or lack of same?

Ravens are associated with lost souls !

The Quoran has a Raven teach Cain how to bury his murdered brother!

Dreaming of a Raven hints at changes in fortune from good to extremely bad.

What do you guys think? Anyone out in fandom who's got a really clear image of the bottle to put up here maybe?

PS: so I looked up Gilbert in Wiki: the Gilbert name is defined in those records as simply "God of Men." May not be as farfetched as I thought when I started writing. But it prob is. Feel free to laugh and point.

There's something wrong in Spn town and it ain't good.

Role reversal evident in color scheme, too. Again, Dean's shown with Blue and Sam with Red. I love that Show uses colors to make a point. Incredible. Oh yes, and Castiel's shown associated with the color red in some scenes, too, which might indicate he's not all good... He may still be batting for both teams, Winchester and Heaven, and not just blindly following orders. Who the hell knows?

Remember all through s4 Dean's been followed by halo like light and lamps? And how we've more or less concluded that to mean he's directly linked to God and the force of good? I noticed that in the scene after he's sworn his service to God and the angels that the overhanging halo like light fixture is not on and they, Castiel and Dean, are illuminated by only a skeleton spot on the other side of the pole. That made me wonder if our assumptions about Castiel and Dean have been wrong all along and if we should've been more wary of Castiel's influence and interference in this season. I am worried. I do not like that Castiel let Sam out and I most certainly do not like that he snitched on Anna on top of that.

Bobby's finally wary of making deals with angels. Yay. Why the hell did Dean do it? I mean, he can't be naive enough to think that joining them and pledging himself to them will ultimately help him restore Sammy to Sam, does he? Is that what it is?

Sam's detox is going fairly well, but as much as I enjoyed Dean's encounter with his demon self, I did not enjoy Sam's ditto. Much. I do love young Sam and i do like the implication of the yellow eyes, especially if we take them to be angelic in origin and not demonic as we've been wont to do over the past 4 seasons. I am beginning to have my doubts about YED. He might not've been all as bad as he's been portrayed.

I do feel bad for Sam now. And for Jared having to always be strapped to tables having things poked at him and having to be in pain. Plus side, though, he's upped his game a lot since the Pilot.

Poor Sam to have such a bad opinion of himself that he doesn't see how much Dean loves him and how far he'll go to make sure nothing bad happens to Sammy. I love that scene. Love the jumping between the two versions of Dean, the one in Sam's head saying how much he loathes this monster that Sam intrinsically is and the real one upstairs who's willing to die to save Sam's soul. Loved it. And I didn't think I could praise Jensen and Jared more, but wow, those two have really molded themselves to their characters and they don't miss a beat. It's incredible to watch.

Is it just me or is the blood drinking beginning to look a lot like Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire? All sexy and hot and not at all disturbing? (j/k)

Interesting that shady!Sam doesn't have floppy hair...

Oh, also interesting how Dean uses Dr. Phil relationship rescue terminology when he confronts Sam about Ruby. I hate Ruby, btw. I so don't trust her. Also, didn't Dean cut her with the magic demon killing knife? I'm fairly sure there was skin cuttage going on there, but nothing happened. Only two demons have been unscathed by that knife, and one of them is dead and the other is MIA. What if, as we've speculated all along, Ruby is Lillith and as Lucifer's first she's got the strongest blood and can feed the vessel and prepare it for reentry by the time its needed. It really is beginning to feel a lot like Anne Rice all around. I think Dean should grab Castiel, cut him and drink. Drink him dry, man. Just to even the score a bit.

Wow, that fight was amazing. And we got a broken mirror view of both Sam and Dean this time. I wonder what will happen next ep. Dean channeled John and Sam rebelled. Big surprise.

My guess: Lucifer will rise, it will be Sam and Castiel will call on Dean to exterminate him and John's imperative will come into play for real, but Dena will resist and outsmart Lucifer!Sam and the angels all in one fell swoop and all will be well in Winchesterland.

Trouble with the ep:

I do have a number of issues with the ep, actually, however much I loved it.

1. I HATE GC's Ruby. She is just a horrid actress. I want her to stop sounding so fresh-out-of-drama-school-ey and ACT.
2. I don't understand Dean in this ep. He should've simply appealed to Sam's fears about going darkside and told him that the angels, in whom Sam's always believed, told him so. As far as we know the angels haven't lied and that means Sam knows that too.
3. Why did Bobby not wake Dean up?
4. What did Rufus do to make Bobby threaten his life?
5. Castiel appears to me to be much more manipulative than Ruby and I trust him less now than I do her.
6. Where was John in all Sam's hallucinations? I missed him.

I need it to be next week ASAP.

My stomach is totally trying to kill me for some reason and I basically think it's because of the one beer I had yesterday or maybe it was because of something else that I just can't see as having caused these evil cramps. They're reallyreallyreally painful and I hate them.

So, yesterday was fun. I spent the day walking around, going to the different rallies and hanging with different random people I met around town. My original plan was to get dead drink by like dinner time, but that didn't pan out and I stuck to the single beer and half a pint of cider.

Went and listened to The Impalers, which is the band one of my students plays in. They're technically really good and obviously very talented young men, but the problem I have with their performance is that they look rather too much like a charicature of the genre instead of a valuable addition to it and that's, frankly, a pity because they're technically way above average for a teen garage metal band. Their music's not my usual taste, but for a live performance it was excellent. I enjoyed it very much.

I need a workout partner coz I've like lost my motivation to work out on my own. I don't know if I'll like working out with Adam because he's so stone cold focused and I'm a big wimp. He's like mr. pushpushpush through it whereas I'm more like lets not and say we did, you know. This lack of personal motivation and lack of working out has lead me to gain weight and to become super stiff, but I just can't find it within myself to do anything about it all the same. Weird, hu?

I was going to do a post about the latest epi of Supernatural, but I simply don't care enough to do so. That was a piece of crap. I was so disappointed with the whole premise and the execution was crap, too. My boys were excellent, of course, but the epi wasn't about them and it wasn't Show quality. At all. I'm totally in the minority in fandom this week, in that I hated the episode. They're all like yay, such a good episode and everything was incredible. I don't agree. For me, it didn't move the myth arc forward and it didn't give us all that much new information, nor did it further the current plot arc much. Dean was interesting in this epi and he did remind me somewhat of S1 Dean, which is nice. Sam, though, was annoyingly predictable and the addiction storyline is beginning to piss me off. Dear God, we've seen Willow go darkside on Buffy and it was horribly done, so why continue that stupidity on Supernatural without really improving on it? Seriously, Sam's not Willow and Willow is not Sam, so why is Sam suddenly living Willow's life? ARGH. Another thing that annoyed me was that they brought Bobby in for a 2 minute appearance. That man is not just a tool for them to use randomly, he needs more and is worth more. Nope, not feeling it.

Ok, so rant's over, and I'm just going to hope that next week's epi will be back on track and will feel like Show.

Neuromancer is the friggin' BOMB, man! Can't believe I never read it until now. I was supposed to read it for a class in college but I totally skipped it in favor of other more pressing books, which I now acknowledge was a mistake. This is an incredible novel. I'm 20 pages from the end and so far, it's just blowing my hair back into a pointed pyramidey spike thing, it's that badass.

Today was excellent. The sun shone all day and it was warm with a slight breeze that kept everyone happy. I spent the day walking around town, window shopping and looking at people. I was outside form 11am till 3pm and then I got out my bike and went for a small ride around town - literally - and stopped at the store to sell my stash of bottles which was good because there was a lot and it's always good to get free money for the piggy bank hehe. I always put my bottle money in my piggy bank and over time it's actually helped me buy a lot of nice things that I wouldn't otherwise have been able to buy. Geesh, I'm old fashioned, aren't I? I'm still a bit annoyed with the govt. for lowering the amount each type of bottle is worth when taken back to the store because before they were worth more and now people just don't seem to even care enough to take them back. I do, though, so even if they're worth less than before, they still mean money for me, money I didn't have before selling them. Good times.

Friday's here and it's May 1st so there's Labor Day rallies all over. I'm going, of course. It's always interesting to hear what the politicians have to say on this day because it's a fairly important day. I plan on getting pissed fairly early.

One of my students is in a band which will be playing today. I'm going to try to make it to that because he's really excited about it and have told me like 300 times over the past week. It's Thrash Metal, though, so not my normal and usual leaning music wise, but who knows, it might be pleasantly surprising.

News on the Adam front: He's coming! July will be the end of the long distance crap and we will finally be together. YAY! We're also getting married sometime in summer. YAYxinfinite.

Tuesday I had my oral teaching test, which is part of my teaching degree and which, if not passed could mean I would have to look for a new job, but I aced it:-) The two observers told me I did outstanding and that I was a good teacher, so all is well there. Now, I just have to get the paper written and pass the theory part of the degree. CRAP.

I cleaned the apartment yesterday and it's so nice now. I love it and can't believe why it takes so much work for me to get it done. It's like I just don't care for the longest time, and then suddenly I go all out and turn into a cleaning dervish with a rag in one hand and a vacuum in the other. Really weird. Wish I could be more structured about that, so it wouldn't be such a big task every time. Now, however, my apt. smells nice and looks even better:-)

I'm wearing my new dress today and I love how it looks! It gives me the best decolletage EVER. Looks amazing. It's just a strange dress, in that it's a faux wrap and if I move odd it flashes open and my underwear is showing, which isn't exactly appropriate, ya know? I'll just have to move normally today haha;-) It's a delicate shade of lilac and stops just above my knee. Love it! I got it on clearance, btw, so it wasn't even expensive.

Will update more later when I've heard all the speeches and the bands playing.

Oh yes, it's Friday:-) *dances around in living room and sings along to random song*

This ep was classic Supernatural all the way, man! I loved it all, and have a lot of praise for it, along with a few thoughts. I am not terribly good at constructing coherent arguments, so my points will be just that: points.

1. Jensen Ackles friggin' rocks Dean Winchester. I love that Dean now has a full set of idiosyncracies and set expressions for all situations. Look at his expressions at 10.00-21. They're incredibly telling and they are seem to reveal a side of Dean that's both known and safe, but also somewhat darker than usual.

2. Dean is now shown in connection with the roses that were once associated with Mary Winchester, which fits beautifully with the role reversal that he acknowledges in the final scene. ETA: Dresser ornaments, pictures on the wall, beddings, barmaid's shirt.

3. Sam's seemingly unwilling to use his powers against anything which is not demonic in nature, and that surprises me. He's constantly put in situations that could easily be resolved by him using them, and yet he never does. This ep was a good example of that. It makes me wonder if it's a choice of Sam's to not use the powers frivolously for fear that will speed up his trek towards damnation.

4. Dean broke the beautiful angel window in the tomb. I'm sure that's going to be read as a sign to point him in the direction of increased faith while Cas is moving away from blindly following. I wonder what will happen when they reach each other on the spectrum of believing in God.

5. Sam IS John. So sad.

ETA:

6. Adam's clothes are a clever mix of Sam and Dean style. Jacket is a lighter version of the one Dean's wearing (notice he's not wearing John's leather jacket for most of the ep, but for the burning ceremony at the end he is wearing it again) and Sam's trademark hoodies.

7. Sam is still presented in connection with the color red, both on the motel room, but also directly with the blood flowing from his veins.

8. That gun IS Dean's. Wtf is Sam doing with it and why is he giving it to Adam?

9. Dean's presented with images of oceans and ships and blue skies throughout the ep. The Angel in the tomb is blue tinted, too. So he's gone from being connected with Red in s1-3, to being almost exclusively presented in connection to blue tints. Hmm.

10. Sam's hair is so deliciously floppy:-D

So this was inspired by a comment I made to threecatmama on her lj, and I basically used most of my reply to her in this, but added more thoughts, so if it looks familiar, that's why...

I love the arc development in this season and the way it seems to be so cleverly planned out. I'd heard before that Krip said everything was mapped out and sequenced into 5 season pieces before shooting even started, but I can't say I've ever really seen the evidence until now. Honestly, that's a long time to wait for the pattern to finally appear, but I think it is and I love the way Krip's taking our boys. It's rare to have a show that's so carefully planned, but Spn isn't the only one out there. There is one other show, that I know of, at least, that was clearly mapped out for all five of its seasons and it is one of the best shows I've ever seen: Babylon 5.

The funny thing about B5 and Spn, is that they suffered the same setbacks and at almost the exact same times in their respective runs. B5 had budget cut after budget cut, an actors' strike to deal with in the middle of unrolling the final big twist and then a cancellation threat making the show's developer/maker have to speed up his story to end before time. Much like Krip's doing this season, but like B5 he's been given a reprieve and can now unfold the story over the five seasons he'd originally planned.

I loved the cover art designs of the Carver Edlund books and the fact that the role reversal now looks complete. Sam's now content to be brawn, while Dean's sporting a huge friggin' thinking cap with room for King, Salinger and Vonnegut. Dean's using his brain to find a way out of the prophesy to come true while Sam's too caught up in his borrowed strength and his borrowed abilities to think straight. Fantastic.

Color wise, I was struck by how little red seems to follow Dean lately and how he's now almost solely identified with blue. This is a dramatic turn around over previous seasons in which he was nearly always identified with red and blue. The red's still there, of course, with the RED motel and red color scheme of that hotel, but it seems to me that the red of the motel is mostly there to point a finger at Sam and his fiery demonic passion session with the demon Lillith.

Anyway, this was a killer episode and I LOVED how the fans are now part of canon, so fanon and canon are connected. That, I think, is the truly new thing. I absolutely adored the exchange about what the fans get up to online and the hinting that Sam's read the fanfic and slash about them. It's interesting to me that they weren't very focussed on them not being gay, but that it'd be wrong because they're brothers. So, are they open to homosexual unions?

There was one thing that totally irked me about the ep, though. Sam called the Impala "it" instead of "her" as usual. that is just not right.

There were several things that did not make ANY sense at all, but overall, the episode was highly enjoyable for me on many levels.

GO Kripke's Diner!

There is some freaky shit on tv, man. What exactly is the point of a tv show about a set of twins who are really "easy"? What is the point of shows like "Made", "My super Sweet 16", "A shot at Love with Tila Tequila", etc? To be fair, I find myself mildly entertained by "Made" and "My Super Sweet 16", but I can only stand very small quantities of these imbecilic shows before my internal BS filter just goes into the red and my firewall kicks in and blocks any further consumption of stupidity. I do realize it may be because I'm getting older that these shows seem horribly dumb to me, simply because I am no longer in the demographic for the genre, but really, couldn't the demographic also benefit from shows that aren't quite as silly and stupid inducing?

Scenario:
I'm a chubby, quiet, wallflower type girl who desperately wants to be a professional runway model so I do the only logical thing I can possibly think of to achieve this goal: I contact MTV's show "Made". They read my plea, discuss it over mochas and ice cream until they find an angle that will make me a suitable candidate. Meanwhile in hicktown, usa, I am walking around my neighborhood feeling particularly sorry for myself because I didn't get picked for the homecoming queen nominee list when suddenly, from out of nowhere, a really preppy and chipper blonde chick steps out in front of me with a mic saying that I got picked for the show "Made" and that I will have 6 weeks to achieve my goal. This is a dream come true for my quiet, wallflower self. So, the camera crew slaps me with a wireless mic and start following me around to everywhere I need to be and to all the fake situations they will have planned out for me. the first of which is a visit to my homeroom from former runway model Angie Timms(made up name) who shows up looking like a faded million dollars, holding a pair of ridiculously high stillettos. I've never worn shoes like those, of course,so I look like a complete fool when I put them on and try to walk down the hall after class. That's not the only thing, though, they also want me to do yoga, pilates and step aerobics to get in shape for the runway show at Macy's 6 weeks in the future. At every turn they do their best to show how ridiculously unsuited I really am for this and yet they spin it to me like I am on the road to achieving my dream and become a runway model. This is so parochial. WTF?

Why do I need to see this crap on a Saturday night?

Ok, that's enough MTV junk show ranting for now, but there might be more ranting later.

I have a weird tick in my nose right now. It's like really distracting and kindda uncomfortable, but luckily not painful. I think it's because I have been really hard up this past week and I need to get some me time with a hot shower, some hot cocoa and a good book, so I can relax.

Last week, I went up to Århus for classes and they were hard work. There is a lot of heave theory that needs to be read and translated from those big words to normal person language before each class. That takes a bunch of time and it takes a bunch of energy which it is just hard to find, honestly, when the subject matter is so abstract and hard to grasp for a chick such as myself.

While up there, though, I did get to have fun with my homegirl Anne, my homie Anette, my sis and her fiancee. Not to mention all the colorful pps from class. They're pretty cool folks, most of them. There's one lady who's been getting on my nerves something fierce because she's so incredibly loud and obnoxious about everything. I can't stand her. I'm not alone in this, luckily. The profs also seem to have had enough of her particular brand of commenting. They ignore her comments or simply dismiss them out of hand as irrelevant, which I secretly enjoy. I'm mean like that.

The first 5 people that respond to this post will get something made by me. It will be about, or tailored to, those first five people who respond.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
+ I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
+ What I create will be just for you.
+ It'll be done this year.
+ You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a mix tape. It may be fic, or a poem. I may draw or paint something. I might bake (or sew!) you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
+ I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to put this in your journal as well!!

I miss "Merry Christmas," but not for the reasons you think.

I don't miss it because of some rabid insistence that one religion's holiday remain pristine -- untainted by the enthusiasm of others. And I don't miss it because I secretly enjoy browbeating others with one religion's clear December supremacy.

Given the holiday's emphasis on peace on earth and goodwill toward men, the willingness of some to turn two little words into weapons in a "cultural war" amazes and saddens me. I get that they're angry -- I've seen their bumper stickers ("Silly liberals, It's Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays").

Couldn't they put that hostility on hold for a few weeks? After all, it's Christmas!

Yet "Happy Holidays," that inclusive yet vague substitute, leaves me unmoved. It's froth without depth. A cake without spices. A melody without chords.

It can never replace "Merry Christmas" because, over the years, that greeting has grown flexible and durable enough to convey all of life's emotions:

"Merry Christmas," said in trying times, means, "Hang in there. The year's almost over. We crossed the finish line together, buddy."

"Merry Christmas," said to a stranger, means, "You look like you could use a friend. Consider me yours for today."

"Merry Christmas," said to a certain someone of the opposite sex, means, "I'm feeling some chemistry here. Are you?"

"Merry Christmas," said to a neighbor, means, "We may only wave to each other from our driveways, but you help make our block a nice place to live."

"Merry Christmas," said by a boss, means, "Sure, I'm your boss, but I like to think I'm also your friend."

"Merry Christmas," said to a boss, means, "Sure, you're my boss, but I like to think you're also my friend."

"Merry Christmas," said in a troubled relationship, means, "We may be going through a rough patch, but I hope we can work it out."

"Merry Christmas," said to a patient, means, "May the balm of the holiday free you from pain for a day, an hour or even just a minute."

"Merry Christmas," said to a husband, means, "Look at that! You assembled the dollhouse and still have time for, what, five hours of sleep! I knew when I married you that you'd make a great father."

"Merry Christmas," said to a wife, means, "I know you do 90 percent of the work of Christmas, and I do appreciate it. I knew when I married you that you'd make a great mother."

"Merry Christmas," said to a difficult relative, means, "I may not always agree with you -- heck, I hardly ever agree with you -- but I'll keep trying to understand your point of view."

"Merry Christmas," said to a new friend, means, "It amazes me to think that last Christmas we didn't even know each other."

"Merry Christmas," said to someone far away, means, "You're here in our hearts."

"Merry Christmas," said to someone returning, means, "Welcome home."

And so I say to you: Merry Christmas.

Find in it what you will.

Take from it what you need.

Our Dean, Sent down from Heaven,
Sexiness be thy name,
We love your car,
and your mullet rock,
and the way u kick evil ass.

Give us this week our Supernatural,
That we may gaze upon your skills,
you are the epitomy of temptation,
as you deliver us from evil,
for thine is the face, the smile and the ass,
forever and ever

AMEN

This week's ep was not at all what I was expecting and it didn't deliver and make me think it was a good outing for the winchester boys. It annoyed the crap out of me, to be honest, and I gotta say that even though J2 were good, the story was sad and trivial. I am getting royally pissed off by the seeming need to play everything for laughs, especially on a show which is now in the serious end of its run, what with Dean having been to Hell, and Sam dead a couple times.

So, the teddy bear was cute, and it was funny that it was watching a show on SE Ohio (Athens, anyone) and that it blew its fluff out, but it was all pretty standard and it was forced so it didn't work. It was all too much like the cat scream which totally blew the suspense of Yellow Fever for me.

Also, nerdy guy makes wish for love of beauty queen? Not exactly new ground there. Bullied kid wishes for revenge, old stuff and it wasn't even done very well.

Dean wished for a sandwich, oh yeah, original thought. Would've been so much better if he'd wished for something worthwhile so we could get a glimpse of what makes him tick these days, now that he admits to remembering everything.

That final scene on the boardwalk wasn't even that good. Dean looked really old, which was a nice touch I think, but it was all too much like ground we've already covered. So, ok, Sam's not able to help and Dean pushes that button some more. Why? It sounds so much like that talk they had by the lake which ended with Dean's single emo tear of manly angst and proclamations of how Sam couldn't possibly make it better. Grr. Often when Spn does a recall to previous eps, they do it well, but this wasn't good and I'm disappointed.

Good things: We're teddy bear doctors. He's got Lollipop disease. Sam and Dean in couples therapy. Running over invisible perv guy. That's it for the good things.

Overall, not happy at all.

I'm watching Take That live in Tv2 Zulu and it's really taking me back to when I was 14 years old and completely obsessed with them. My room was literally plastered with posters, stickers, postcards, etc and I had tshirts, caps, books, autographs, magazines and penpals all over the world who shared the obsession with me. Then when I turned 15 someone made collectors' cards and I have all of those except for 4 that I've never been able to get my fat little fingers on. I had all their albums, all their singles and wanted nothing more than to go to a concert, but my parents would never let me go. I was amazingly jealous of my best friend and penpal Louise who got to go to a concert with them, in Manchester, no less, and with her dad as company.

They did come to Denmark a couple times during the years I followed their career, but I never got to go. The first time was when I was 15 and it was in Copenhagen so mom and dad wouldn't let me go because I'd have to go alone and they didn't trust me not to get kidnapped or hurt or whatever, so I didn't get to go even though a couple girls from my class got to go and I could've gone with them.

Instead, I lived vicariously through the girls who did get to go and they told me all about the enormous lines in front of the venue and the thousands of teddy bears and presents the girls had brought for the band, and ever since then I've wondered what happened to all those poor lonely toys after the band left and most likely discarded them.

Back then, I was truly obsessed with these boys and thought they were probably the most amazing creatures on this planet, not to mention probably the handsomest, too. I had the wildest crush on Robbie first and then settled on Gary Barlow, who's been in my heart ever since, because he's always been the one who struck me as being the most authentic of them all and the one I felt was more like a real person. I was never into Mark Owen like most of my girl friends were, because I simply do not get the charm of dimples. Plus, his chin is just too marked for my tastes, whereas Gary's is just right. See, it's making me feel like Goldilocks here. No, not Mark, because he's too dimpled and Robbie's not dimpled enough, but I'll just eat Gary right up because he's just right.

I still enjoy most of their music and their new stuff is mostly really good, pop music, so in that regard, I haven't really moved forward much since I was 14, but I'm no longer obsessed with the idea of them, of concerts, magazines and posters. Now, I can listen to the music and not feel the need to know every single little detail about those guys to enjoy the music. I also do not need to own all their albums, see all their videos or watch them give interviews. But I do so love their music...

And all this because of a short concert on tv. It's taken me back to my childhood bedroom, to my bed above which was a very large poster of Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow, back to my school recesses when we would all exchange collectors' cards and discuss the latest Take That gossip. It's taken me back to being on the phone for hours with my penpal Louise and writing long letters to her about the latest single and the possibility of them coming to Denmark or of meeting them, what we'd do and say if we got backstage passes, if we could possibly get to talk to them. At that time, we really couldn't imagine anything more important than meeting these five men and we had trouble understanding why the parentals didn't necessarily support the addiction, but at least we had the music and we had the community it brought us.

I still think I might try and go to one of their concerts at some point in the future...

It's making me wonder if we ever really stop being 14 years old at heart...

What takes you guys back to being 14? Why and how does it make you feel?

Answer my poll!



Who was the best boyband of the 90s?
Take That
Boyzone
Oasis
Backstreet Boys
New kids on the Block
Nsync

I am so happy today! The weather's absolutely beautiful and it's frosty clear outside and everything is simply perfect! I can't stop smiling:-D I went for a walk to the store to get some party supplies for sis' birthday Sunday and I kept smiling at everyone and then smiling even more when they all smiled back at me:-D

What a great day! And it's not even noon yet...

Fantastic day to have off from work and it bodes well for the weekend, too even though that needs to be spent writing that damned paper for class which is due next week.

Am watching 4x7 right now and so far it's striking me as a return to what I really like about Spn and thankfully a departure from the path Kripke had me believing he was going to take our boys. Will update with further thoughts when I'm done watching.

Talked to Adam for over an hour last night on the phone and it was really nice. He can make me laugh at stupid little things like noone else can and it's awesome. I wish he was here so I could cuddle up to him on the couch and watch a funny movie and pick it to pieces just for fun. It would be fantastic if he were here to hug and kiss and squeeze all the time instead of only being here in increments of 7-10 days... But 10 days is better than nothing and I will squeeze him a lot haha!

I think I'm in love with lazy_daze.....

And that's it for now... I'm happy and relaxed and rested and I couldn't even imagine anything that would make this day better (Adam being here doesn't count because that would make every day better, so...)

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... And soon going into murdermaimkill mode...